Caregiving with Beatrice Karnga Gray

In Episode 6 of Caring Table Podcast, I sit down with Beatrice Karnga Gray, founder of Caring Grace Home Care Agency, to talk about compassionate caregiving, aging at home, and knowing when it’s time to bring in support. 

This episode is especially personal to me, as I share my own journey caring for both my father and mother, two very different experiences that highlighted the emotional and practical challenges my family faces.

We reflect on honoring my father’s wish to remain at home during his final days with Caring Grace Home Care Agency, and how bringing in non-medical home care gave him more quality time, dignity, and independence. I also open up about navigating Alzheimer’s care with my mother, and how different situations require different life decisions.

Topics discussed

• When it’s time to bring care into the home
• How to have difficult conversations with aging parents
• The emotional toll of caregiving and the importance of support
• Aging in place vs transitioning to a care community
• The role of respite care and caregiver relief
• Why planning ahead can prevent crisis decisions
• How compassionate care preserves dignity and quality of life

Whether you're currently caring for a loved one or preparing for the future, this episode offers real-life insight, guidance, and reassurance that you don't have to navigate this journey alone.

Interested in learning more? Contact Beatrice now.

Office: 610-443-1850

Email: excellence@caringgracehomecare.com

Episode Sponsored by:

LIFESTYLES Over 50 Northeastern Pennsylvania is a print magazine that is distributed for FREE 6x annually and connects seniors and their families with senior housing, assisted living, wellness centers, local health care providers, healthy living activities, and community events.

Our Mission encourages vibrant, healthy, and productive living through stories about people we meet and serve.

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Transcript

00:00:01:15 - 00:00:32:16

Welcome to Caring Table. I am Dianne Frana, your host. Having real conversations about real topics shaping lives in the Lehigh Valley and beyond. Welcome to Caring Table Podcast episode six. Today our guest is Beatrice Karnga Gray from Caring Grace Home Care Agency. This is where I first started with the senior care industry. Welcome, Beatrice. Thank you for having me.

00:00:32:16 - 00:01:08:11

I'm glad you're here, Beatrice. So I'd like you to share with our audience how and why you started Caring Grace Home Care Agency. So Caring Grace Home Care Agency started from the compassion of caregiving. If you look at my background, where I come from, a cultural background, caring for the elderly is a thing that we do in your family. I'm sure we all do that here, too, in the United States, but we don't have non-medical home care services because family does the caring.

00:01:08:12 - 00:01:36:05

So if something is like is intrinsic caring, was the heart desire to do so? When I came to the United States, I started working as a caregiver, and I love work as a caregiver. And because I wanted to see that progress and to give quality care. I decided to establish Caring Grace Home Care Agency. At first I was working, you know, in corporate, and I just decided to do something different.

00:01:36:06 - 00:02:03:00

May I ask where you come from in your culture? Can you go in detail? I. I come from Liberia. West Africa was African culture. Of course. I come from the Bassa tribe and we speak dialects. We also speak English, you know. So I've been in this country for almost 40 years. I spend most of my adult life in the United States.

00:02:03:04 - 00:02:30:20

So I am in both places, both Africa and United States. Yeah. And you never know when two people meet where it can lead 20 years later when Beatrice and her family moved to Whitehall and Jane's was a new student in the eighth grade, and he was in my daughter's class. Katelyn, that's when they became friends from eighth grade to high school and Nat James's high school graduation.

00:02:30:22 - 00:02:54:10

We were invited and we went there. Mind you, my daughter didn't want me there, but James called me that day to make sure I show up. When we were at the party, I asked Beatrice what she was doing and she shared that she is starting her own home care business. At that time, my father was diagnosed and was given a prognosis of three months to live because of his congestive heart failure.

00:02:54:15 - 00:03:11:22

And I was going back. I was at the time I was in education, so I was going back to my job in August, not knowing who could be there in little time frame increments to care for my dad and just assist him. He didn't need medical care. And I said, would you be interested? And that's how it started.

00:03:12:00 - 00:03:36:15

My father was one of her first clients. He was with Caring Grace from August to December is when he passed, and the care that they provide it was amazing. Far too was his caregiver and my father was a very strong willed, independent man. And at 75, unfortunately it was his time due to with his heart failing and he wasn't ready for it.

00:03:36:17 - 00:03:56:18

Far too made my father enjoy the last several months of his life. I called it like with the Grumpy Old Men, the movie, a bait shop in Northampton, no longer around. She would take them and drop them off and he'd sit there and he'd talk with his friends because he no longer could drive. And in order to keep him living the life he was living, they'd still have.

00:03:56:18 - 00:04:19:22

His independence meant the world to him. So knowing that care that they provided for him was somewhere that I would be interested in working. And from there I started working with Caring Grace part time in the summer, and then during the school year, then became full time. Fast forward to now we are friends and continue with the friendship and in the business.

00:04:19:22 - 00:04:48:18

And it's all just because two people met Kaytlyn and James, who are still friends as well, but providing care for someone and genuinely them experiencing that that person cares about them, was what I take away from the care that was provided by Caring Grace. And that's what the agency Caring Grace provides. And that's because the passion that Beatrice has for it, being in the field and want it to provide quality care.

00:04:49:00 - 00:05:22:12

So, Beatrice, you have been in business how long now? 12 years. 12 years. So what do you contribute to the success of your business? Well, first, if you have the heart to do the business, you know, if you don't look at it as a business and you look at it as a, as a moral obligation, and if you also have the vision and I extend that vision to your caregivers, to the business, the quarter, if it becomes the quarter of the business, then you can remain in business despite the financial aspect of it.

00:05:22:12 - 00:05:43:19

If you have people who come into the business will actually know that care is a thing to do. Even if you're not in a business, you see someone who's in need. You will obviously want to care for that person. So that's the message was sent out there. And one of the challenges that the non-medical home care agencies face is that it's hard to retain caregivers.

00:05:43:22 - 00:06:04:22

So if you cannot retain caregiver, obviously you're not going to provide the services like you need and you're not going to get more clients, you know, but you retain those caregivers and you make them understand why they're with the business is still care to understand why they carry, you know, to take care of someone who's looking up to them, to care for them.

00:06:05:00 - 00:06:40:03

If they grasp the concept of caring and they have that compassion and true love and respect for the person, you can retain them because they understand why they do what they do. It's not just about the paycheck. So those are some of the things that we have and we talk about in our business. You know, of course, non-medical home care agencies struggle, you know, when it comes to finances, but it's how you handle your finances and things that you do, you know, but it has been it's a great business because like I said, the more aspect of it drives me to keep going.

00:06:40:05 - 00:07:03:09

I'm just grateful that I could I could do that. You know, for for the past 12 years, we have served so many seniors and disabled people. When I look back, I feel so blessed that I was able to do that. So let's go back to the pandemic time. How did you survive the pandemic? Oh my God. At that time I was full time with you, so we were still going to work in the office.

00:07:03:09 - 00:07:23:11

Yeah, we were going to work because again the goal is the care. You cannot stop caring for people because as a pandemic, I needed to be there for, you know, to care. And we had to communicate a lot. You know, it was a different kind of time. We had to make sure families were okay. Those who were caring for our sins were okay.

00:07:23:13 - 00:07:41:21

So we push ourselves and we did what we had to do, even if we had to dressed up like we had on all the gear, you know, all these things, you know, all the PPE is you know, so it was very costly. We had to buy those things, but we had to focus on care. We were able to survive it.

00:07:41:21 - 00:08:03:17

We lost some of our elderly. You know, sadly, those who were still strong to withstand Covid, you know, and the caregivers, we had a lot of caregivers who had Covid as well. But thank God that a lot of them survive it and they still push them to care. I remember us getting preparing like their little gift bags or care bags.

00:08:03:17 - 00:08:24:23

Yeah, the hand sanitizer and synthesizer. Yeah. And the mask. And we would provide that. But that was important to them. And it's building the relationships with the family, which is what Caring Grace does. It's not just like they're a client. You get to know them. And you've had over the years, you've had clients for several years. Yes, yes.

00:08:24:23 - 00:08:47:00

The caregivers. Right. The turnover and things. So that's important too. So why do you think that is possible that you're able to keep them for several years. And the workers again the services we provide these services, actually caring and not going in to do a work or go in to build a business, you know, like I said, the the the vision is for care.

00:08:47:00 - 00:09:14:18

And we truly believe that, you know, we believe that is so it's a moral thing to do. We stress that to the caregiver. So when they go in, you know that they know they're there to care for somebody. So that was ingrained in them, you know. So we were able to accomplish that from previously we used to do and this was prior pre-COVID that we did training in the office for the caregivers because they're all required to maintain a certain amount of hours yearly.

00:09:14:20 - 00:09:40:11

So what type of training do you now provide for them? The state of Pennsylvania has about 16 different training topics that the caregivers should have competency training that is mandatory, that a caregiver have. And then going forward, Caring Grace will also look at the caregivers ability where they're like in or if there's something new that they need to know about, we enforce those different trainings.

00:09:40:11 - 00:10:01:04

You know, that the caregiver would need to be trained on things that they would need to be trained on. But the 16 core trainings come directly from the state, the Department of Health and Human Services, or the Office of Long Term Living. In addition, with our training, when we see a caregiver like in and in an area, we must train a caregiver to to know exactly what you're doing.

00:10:01:07 - 00:10:44:10

So what do you think is different about your agency compared to your competition? What would you say stands out that makes Caring Grace successful for 12 years is how we embrace the work we do, how we truly enjoy what we do, the commitment of the caregiver, their compassion they truly have that, you know, and I think I think that's one of the driving force that help us to sustain ourselves where we are most, you know, I would say businesses or agencies probably look at they focus more on the bottom line first, but our focus is not the bottom line first.

00:10:44:12 - 00:11:07:19

Our focus is the care that we gave and I think that have sustained us. And also for me, a team of caregivers, you know, like if we go to the home to do an assessment, you have to know the family dynamics and you have to understand who you're sending to that home, understand the family dynamics. You don't just send in the caregiver because you want to cover a case.

00:11:07:19 - 00:11:35:18

You have to understanding that you are going into your family and you have to make sure that when you're in that family, you know what caregiver, you send it to that family so that they will, you know, know the family dynamics and blend within that family. And that has helped, because if you send the wrong caregiver, not the wrong kip about someone who doesn't blend with that family, you know, obviously you keep sending caregivers and sometimes you lose the kids, you know, or the services that you provide, you know.

00:11:35:18 - 00:11:58:22

So we really pay attention to the family dynamics and, and make sure we send the right caregivers to those families. The trend is for people to age in place in their home. Some family members have either been able to retire or maybe stop working to be home with them. But it's also important that they are able to take a break and have time to themselves.

00:11:58:22 - 00:12:23:04

And that's where home care agency can come into play an assist. Not that they have to be the primary caregiver, but also being there with the family and giving support. Certain appointments to go to or say three times a week. They want a break for themselves where you can come in and support that as well. Yes, respite care that we provide and we've done that for many family members.

00:12:23:04 - 00:12:52:08

You know, as you know, it can be emotionally draining, too, if you're there as a family member actually caring for an aging or sick loved one, you know, it does have some emotional toll on you, and the family probably would need a break or vacation. And then Caring Grace will come in, you know, if it's three days or a week, whatever time that family member needs, you know, to give them that break or even if they want to take care of themselves, you know, physically, mentally, whatever they want to do.

00:12:52:10 - 00:13:11:14

You know, we come in and we we help with that as well. A lot of times it's hard for someone to realize that they want or need the care. What is some of your suggestions for the family or for people themselves, as far as when is it time for them to have care, come in and assist them with their families?

00:13:11:14 - 00:13:51:18

It's tough because sometimes the person would need a care, would not at that time understand that they really need the care. The family also is not ready to have another agency come in, or someone else will come in to provide that service. But when you see an aging family member at risk in their home, if they're not taking their medication or if they're leaving the stove or things like that, if you see that a couple of times or they're being forgetful, the family member will try to identify those things you know that are risky, or in the elderly family member to some kind of danger.

00:13:51:18 - 00:14:14:02

And at that time, I think it's a good time for the family member or the power of attorney to start thinking about bring it in someone in the home to really monitor that person and make sure they get the services they need and the assistance the need. Is there a minimum? Are there minimum days or minimum hours for one of your workers to provide care?

00:14:14:08 - 00:14:37:14

Not only the minimum is, three days, three hours a day or whatever. You know, the family like is very flexible. Everything is actually up to the family member. You know, the agency does not impose on the family member the required three hours or three days is the minimum, because that's when you really can be effective in giving care to that person.

00:14:37:16 - 00:14:53:16

For the person to receive the best of care, it takes about that time, you know, because when you're in the home and you go through their daily routine, your, you know, the daily way of life, you need at least three hours to really, really give good care to that person. So that's why we think three hours is the best time.

00:14:53:16 - 00:15:33:10

Would you suggest when family members or a loved one see someone declining? But it's not that they need care every day, but occasionally to start small, and this way they would be more open when they need care. Longer and more times. I would suggest that they can start small. They can also identify what kind of care that would benefit the family caregiver that's declining whatever area they need that care so that we can come and help, you know, in that area, you know, of care, be it, you know, to do meal preparation or maybe to help, you know, to assist with grooming or dressing, you know, things like that.

00:15:33:10 - 00:15:57:09

If you're they're slow at it or they're not taking care of themselves, you know, I, I suggest we it's time to come in and just just help with that. Usually the client who needs the care, they're the ones that are pushing back more because they're it's losing their independence. And also there's not planning beforehand and, more proactive than reactive.

00:15:57:09 - 00:16:21:06

So you like to look into the future and say down the road we may need more care. We know mom or dad want to stay in the home. So a suggestion would be, you know, let them start now with three days a week, three hours a day, if they can, to get them accustomed to it, knowing that they do need assistance to make sure they're eating their meals and their laundry is getting done and things like that, I don't think they should push them.

00:16:21:11 - 00:16:44:05

You know, they should not be pushed. Communication is good. I think if family member, she has to communicate with that adult, a loved one, exactly what they're doing because you missing as a family member that you need to provide or bring in someone to provide services or care for your other a loved one, but to another level, and it's not thinking that in their head, you know, they're still capable.

00:16:44:07 - 00:17:00:10

They are not at risk. Like you said, they are afraid of losing their independence and you still have to look at them as if you know, they're still 20, 30 years old, you know, had the same capacity they had when they were taking care of themselves. You have to look at that. You don't just look at them because they're elderly.

00:17:00:10 - 00:17:16:10

So you come in and you don't tell them what to do, but you work with them, you know, you ask questions, mom, will you think about this? You know she will do this. Will you think she would bring this person in to at least help you with this? You know, so you talk in questions, you know, you ask questions.

00:17:16:10 - 00:17:32:23

Yes. You don't, you don't. You don't tell them what to do. Then they would think that, oh, you're my daughter on my son. Why are you telling me what to do? I'm the parent. Yes. You know, so that's why the confusion comes from, you know. Why is she telling me? Why are you telling me what to do? You know I'm your mother, you know?

00:17:33:03 - 00:17:54:14

Yeah. So you ask questions, you bring them in the conversation so that they can. They can still feel that they're in control. One of the struggles that I had with my father was the fact that in his mind, he is my father. I am the child, and I should not be the one taking care of him, because he's the one that's supposed to be taking care of me.

00:17:54:14 - 00:18:21:15

And that's where we had the struggle. But the adjustment at first when I said that someone does have to come in. Not that you can't do it, dad. We just want to be safe. When for two was there. That's what she provided conversation with him and easing him through the process. And I know from my experience not providing the care opened up more communication and things that I found out about my father that I didn't know.

00:18:21:15 - 00:18:48:22

We had time to enjoy each other's company and discuss those things. Now, one question I have do you provide transportation with your service with Caring Grace? Well, we don't have a transportation system, but what we do is when we have caregivers, they can provide the transportation to take the client to the hospital, or if they want to go to the beauty salon, to the hair, or go to the grocery store, you know, they would take the client.

00:18:48:22 - 00:19:09:07

Or if the client have their own transportation, the caregiver can opt to use that, if that's okay with the client. Some have public transportation. You know that they use the thing it when when the client gets into the public transportation, it has not become the responsibility of that company, the transportation company, to actually make sure the person is safe.

00:19:09:07 - 00:19:30:21

But caregiver can still go along with them. And that's important. And that's why I ask that. I know when we did have a client and one of the caretakers, when I was working with Caring Grace, it was it became her shopping buddy. And they would go shop. They knew and they enjoyed each other's company. And that was someone who was a widow and wasn't out of her house.

00:19:30:21 - 00:19:50:14

Since her husband passed away. So it was very nice that they were able to provide that, and that mean that's giving them back their independence. Just like if I were to take in my dad to still go sit at the bait shop and sit there and they all griped the males, they were a bond with them. Yes, they bond with them.

00:19:50:14 - 00:20:06:18

That's why it's important. You know, one of the things that some families need to understand is that when a caregiver comes in the home, give them time to bond with your loved one. If you do not give them that time and you know if something goes wrong, you know, let's say they didn't. The food was the cook, right?

00:20:06:19 - 00:20:27:07

Or it wasn't done the way your mother wanted it to be done, to be cooked. You know, just give it time. Because if it's their first time coming in, they have to get used to the routine of that elderly person. When they grab that and they connect and get bonded and they bond to that client, you know, I mean, you can you can take it away even if you don't need them.

00:20:27:09 - 00:20:47:23

You're coming to check because they have that bond with the person. I have a caregiver who unfortunately went to one of her clients she been with for a very long time past, and I was in the office and she slammed the door open and just went flop on the floor, and she was crying. That was no help. Where could she just just, you know, she called a clinic.

00:20:48:03 - 00:21:08:11

So just, you know, she was so emotional because she have bonded with her so much, you know, and we both still be crying in the office, you know? So that's how it is. It's important to let them bond with that person. What I want to clear up is with Caring Grace agency. You have a team of caregivers that go to a client.

00:21:08:11 - 00:21:31:10

It's not that you have someone every shift someone different. You build a team for a client, which is very important. The team was to depend on the hours that is authorized for the client. If you have a 24 hour client, of course you're going to build, you know, a team of maybe 4 to 5 people. If you have eight hours, you do, and three people just in case you need to cover for another person.

00:21:31:10 - 00:22:08:15

So but it's a team of people that is known by the client and the family. So do you offer living services? We do offer a liaison. Yes. Some family would need live. And if the client is in their home and they feel that the client is at risk and they cannot be at home alone over the time period, 24 hour time period, you know, and they want the person to really be there for them, especially when a family member of Power of Attorney is not around or is far off, far away, maybe in a different state or, you know, a different place and they don't really have time to come in.

00:22:08:17 - 00:22:29:02

They will say, you know, just we need to live in service, you know, to make sure our elderly parent, you know, is secure. So they provide 24 hour and they are obligated to provide living space for that caregiver as well. And then does that caregiver get time off. How does that everything is like a team. So you get another person who will come in to cover for that caregiver.

00:22:29:02 - 00:23:01:02

Of course, because every caregiver needs time off. Yes, yes. So what do you calculate the monthly cost of that. Does it total more than going into community or less than a community. It depends then left in service. The cost is different set of costs. I think it's on a flat rate. Everything depends, but it's less, it's less. So if you need a 24 hour nonstop care you compare hourly because it's not built hourly.

00:23:01:04 - 00:23:19:00

Is bill per day right. Per day or per week. So if it's hourly is going to be way more, it's going to be probably 2 to 3 times the cost. You know that way it is allowing the loved one to stay in their home instead of going into community. And maybe the location is best for them. Right?

00:23:19:02 - 00:23:38:02

Right. Most elderly, you know, choose to live in the comfort of their homes. You know, the moment you take them out of there, you know, you face the challenge of trying to make them comfortable somewhere else. You know, so they choose to stay in their home unless they have to leave to go and be monitored medically, you know, then they can leave their home.

00:23:38:02 - 00:24:08:09

And these are conversations that family members are. If they are, they don't have any family members. Their power of attorney should approach and have this discussion before it's an emergency. Right. And to know what their requests are right is important to have to have that discussion before you need a care. But sometimes, you know, family members are basically going on their they have their own lives, they're taking care of themselves and their family.

00:24:08:09 - 00:24:27:05

So they don't think about those things until, you know, and if mom and dad don't stop doing good, you know, you don't think about it. Or sometimes health emergencies happen even though they're elderly and they're still strong, they still go on about. But then when health emergency happens, then that's when family members will have to make a decision, you know, for care.

00:24:27:05 - 00:24:48:18

My father lived 25 years with 20% of his heart. He was then taken to the hospital because he was having complications, and he did have a mild heart attack. So I find out when I'm getting ready to leave work from my uncle, because my dad was supposed to go pick up his older brother, he's like, what's wrong with your dad?

00:24:48:18 - 00:25:06:05

He's in the hospital, and I had no idea that he was even in the hospital. So I went to the hospital to visit him. After work. And I remember walking in the room, and at that point they spoke to him and said that his heart was declining. He was down to 5% of his heart functioning due to congestive heart failure.

00:25:06:05 - 00:25:27:23

And I remember what my dad said to me in it was, I don't want to die in the home. I want to die in my home. I want to be at home. I don't want to be in a nursing home. I don't want to be in a personal care. So I know as his daughter, I in my mind, when he said that I was going to do whatever I had to, to grant him that wish, to have that wish and make it possible.

00:25:27:23 - 00:25:51:14

But at first it was easy because he did move back in his home by himself, and he shouldn't have been by himself. But he was then put on hospice and he had a great team taking care of him. I loved his case manager and that's so important. And then I remember it was a year later. So he already outlived his prognosis by nine months.

00:25:51:18 - 00:26:13:23

And then he fell and with that fall, that time from the hospital, they said he can no longer go home. So I left work at lunchtime. We came home and I was very fortunate to have a husband at that time that was very adjustable and adaptable. And we made my daughter's bedroom into his bedroom because she was away at college and we made the adjustments that we had to.

00:26:14:00 - 00:26:36:11

That's when Caring Grace came in. Then within two months, that gave him longer life, I feel, because he was living with us with congestive heart failure, and then it gave them more time. And sometimes they don't realize that just the little help that comes in from the family and from someone else, them not making their meals than not taking a shower because my father was capable of making sure he's taken his medication.

00:26:36:11 - 00:26:59:21

It was just having the strength because of the heart condition I experienced that with him being able to keep him in his home where he wanted, and that was his wish that were with my mom. We're experiencing Alzheimer's, where that's hard to care for someone or have care in the home. And unfortunately, but fortunately, she is in a community that's where she's safer.

00:26:59:21 - 00:27:23:15

But you have to look in research and find out what care they want before they need the care. Just so you're aware of what your loved one would prefer and what their wishes are. But it's being prepared. Knowing that there's agencies out there that provide non-medical care, come into your home and help you assist with your loved one.

00:27:23:20 - 00:27:53:06

Well, caregiving is about still maintaining the quality of life for that person because you're taking care of doctors and nurses and mothers and fathers and teachers and people who really helped strengthen community and did all they could. If you keep that in mind as a as a caregiver or a family member, some family member may be when the person is elderly man, you know, you see as a role reversal, but look at it in a different way.

00:27:53:09 - 00:28:17:08

You're looking at your father still, even though he may not be in the family role to tell you what to do, but he is still your father. She is still your mother, you know, as a student. He's still that teacher is still there. If we look at that, if you still look at those people, the elderly people in that, if you wish, there still are, then you can give compassionate care to everybody needs.

00:28:17:11 - 00:28:40:03

Well thank you Beatrice. We enjoyed this episode and a lot of take away from this is important. Again, it is communication and always remembering who they were prior to their situation. Now exactly a second. Thank you for having me. You're welcome and you will be back.

00:28:40:05 - 00:28:58:01

If anyone listening has any questions or input, please reach out to us, listen to our podcast Caring Table on YouTube and all other major podcast platforms. Thank you for listening. Talk to you next time.